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14 June 2008 @ 10:52 am
If you come to the dark side together we can rule the universe (FIC POST)  
I've done it........I've written the story.  I thought to post it here to shake the feelings of destroying it and pretending the moment of weakness never happened.  KIDDING.  I actually really like this story, I feel the same attachement I do to all of my others.  Since this is my first and only venture into this ship, I would love for everyone to come and check it out.  Yeah, I know some wont like where I took it, a fact of life when you're in this business, but I think I kept it real to myself and I believe to the characters.  So, have a gander if so inclined.  Feedback is a bankroll and a bag of weed  ;  ) 

Title: Between Words and Deeds
Author: Montiese
Category: Post-Administration/Angst/Drama
Pairing: Josh/Donna
Rating: TEEN
Summary: Did Josh even know what he was fighting for or did he just not want to
                  lose?
Author’s Note: This is all keep_warm’s fault. I want my Donna/Cliff story for this.  And it’s also dedicated to leli_5because I am sure she never thought she would see the day.

“I feel like Toby.” Josh grumbled.
 
“You’ve got the grumpy face down.” Donna replied smirking. “Stop sulking Josh; its not becoming of a 46 year old man.”
 
He tried to do what she asked but just like everything else, he didn’t quite make it. That only made him sulk more.
 
“Could you help me down please?” Donna asked.
 
“Oh God, yeah.” Josh jumped up from the chair. “I'm sorry.”
 
Her steps off the examination table were tentative. She grimaced when both feet touched the floor. Josh’s eyes were wide with fear.
 
“Are you alright?”
 
“I'm fine. Everything aches but that’s nothing new. C’mon Josh, you know, oh God…” Donna rolled her eyes. “You don’t know I guess. Everything aches most of the time.”
 
“Why wouldn’t you tell me something like that?”
 
“Because it’s just a fact of nature. If it were something to concern ourselves with I would have told the doctor. Please hand me my clothes.”
 
“Why don’t you tell me things?” Josh handed her the grey slacks, blue cashmere sweater, and white bra and panties.
 
“I do, I just…let’s not go there right now. Its not earth shattering news. I would never keep something important from you and you know that.”
 
“I don’t know anything anymore.”
 
Since he was grumbling again, Donna pretended not to hear him. That was one thing she hated about Josh. Yes, hate was a strong word but over the months she was almost sure it was appropriate. When things happened, whatever they were, he acted as if he was the only one affected by them. Fuck her feelings and anyone else’s…if Josh Lyman was upset then you were damn sure going to know about it.
 
Even as Donna thought that, she still knew deep down that she was wrong. There were other sides to him too. It had just been so long. Which Josh was real and which was conceived from all that happened since the meeting in the Manchester storefront over ten years before? Searching for answers kept Donna awake some nights. Maybe they both were.
 
“Should I leave the room, while you dress?” he asked.
 
“You’ve seen me naked probably a half million times.”
 
“Yeah, but…”
 
“Whatever you think is best Josh.”
 
He just stood there so Donna slipped out of the paper gown. God, he always loved Donna’s body but it was even more beautiful now. Her pale skin glowed; her breasts were firm and round. Her nipples were always erect. Just the sight of her after all these months made Josh quiver. He missed her so much it had taken on a life of its own.
 
It moved in with him, taunted him, blasted its music and would not let him sleep. Nothing made it go away. Josh tried everything but the more he wanted to forget, stubborn memories planted deeper roots. Sam told him to give it time…a lot of time. Josh knew that would not work. He didn’t have time anyway; he was just seconds from losing his mind.
 
“You are so beautiful.” 
 
Donna smiled at his words. She pulled the sweater over her head before turning to the full-length mirror. “Thank you.”
 
“What does it feel like Donna? You’ve never told me.”
 
“I'm not sure if I could put it into words.”
 
“Could you try?” Josh asked.
 
“Yeah.”
 
If they were honest with themselves, words were the problem. When Donna went to his place and mumbled ‘who said anything about talking’ before she had her way with him, she did not know that would be the foundation their relationship was built upon. The old Josh and Donna, best friends, Deputy White House Chief of Staff and his Deputy Deputy, never stopped talking. They knew each other’s secrets, fears, and dreams. They knew things that up until the moment they told each other had only been uttered to God.
 
Josh and Donna the couple, Chiefs of Staff to the President of the United States and First Lady, never knew what to say. Josh was a workaholic. When Donna tried to encourage anything else, it always fell through. She fell asleep alone at night and frequently woke that way. If Josh didn’t wake her in the middle of the night to make love she would just assume he slept in his office.
 
There were no vacations, lazy Sunday mornings, or conversations until dawn. There was work, sex, and silence. She left him months before with the same feeling she had the first time they kissed…this was bound to happen eventually. Josh took it hard, if the 50 plus voicemails he left her were an indication.
 
Donna finally told him to stop. She needed the distance; she needed to think. Constantly pushing and begging would not make her return. Did Josh even know what he was fighting for or did he just not want to lose? Donna didn’t know how to tell him she was pregnant. When she found out the time was almost up to conceal it. Josh was over the moon. He wanted to make plans again.
 
They had to be together now, at least for the baby. Donna stuck to her guns…she was not doing any of this to hurt him. Didn’t he realize that she too was in pain? No, maybe he didn’t. Their child needed them, not their crumbling love affair.
 
“It feels weird.” She said laughing. “It feels so good, but weird and amazing, all in the span of 60 seconds. Its bubbly and even when my ankles are swollen and my breasts hurt, I wouldn’t change it for anything. I don’t think enough words have been invented to describe the feeling.”
 
“You did alright. C’mon, someone else probably needs this room.”
 
Josh helped her into her coat and they left the OBGYN’s office after setting up another six-week appointment. Washington was turning cold. It was another November, less than a year until the next general election. Santos was already running again but Donna would not stay for a second term. There had been other offers; she already talked with the First Lady. She knew now that she could do her part to save the world without coming home every night with a headache. The traveling and stress were getting to be too much. She did not want her child to know electoral math before first words.
 
“There’s a diner down the street.” Josh said. “Do you want to get breakfast?”
 
“I do, but…”
 
“Donna, we have to talk eventually. This isn’t going away.”
 
“It’s a very emotional time for me. I know you're right but this isn’t the best time.”
 
“Just take me back. My child deserves a father.”
 
“Your child will have an amazing father. This isn’t easy but I need to be sure of my footing before I make any decisions. You try making a major life choice with three times the hormone levels coursing through your blood, Josh. You cannot bully me into coming back.”
 
“I would never do that.” he took both of her hands in his. “I love you so much.”
 
“I love you too. I have loved you for a long time in so many different ways. Every moment we had together was meant to be. Even this moment was meant to be.”
 
“Just come and eat. We’ll talk a little. Please Donna.”
 
“Alright.” She gave in so he would stop asking. She hardly knew what to say and was not sure he would even listen. When Josh was on a mission, everything else came second. But Donna was not a bill, an act, or even an unyielding Democrat. She was a woman and as much as she loved him she knew it was over long before she walked out the door. “I truly hope you understand one day.”
 
“Understand what?”
 
“Everything.”
 
“I don’t know what you mean when you say things like that. Are you being that way on purpose?”
 
She would have laughed if the question hadn't been quite unfunny.
 
“No. Let’s just have breakfast and talk, alright?”
 
When he smiled and his dimples came out, Donna couldn’t help but smile too. The history between them was deeper than any other relationship in her life. She did not know whether to hold on with both hands or cut and run. The latter was impossible with the baby coming. Donna would never stand in the way of Josh being a father. She was eager to see how they both handled the changes coming in their lives.
 
She knew how excited she was and she wanted all those feelings for him too. Their child would be another one of the millions of things that they shared. They would be terrific parents, even with all the first time jitters and stutter steps. Donna was confident of that. She was also sure that their romantic life together was over. Now she just had to find the words.
 
***
 
 
I'm In....: the lair
I Feel....: nervousnervous
I Hear....: "One More Chance" The Notorious B.I.G
 
 
 
(Deleted comment)
SSA McGeek: Noramcgarrygirl78 on June 14th, 2008 03:38 pm (UTC)
Thanks. I really dont and even though writing this one was a breeze I didnt want anyone to think I was doing it just to destroy them. While I dont like it, I definitely can see them getting together during the campaign. I just never see it lasting. Donna had changed so much, for the better, while Josh remained the same.

Glad you like it.
vegawriters: CJ&Tobyvegawriters on June 14th, 2008 04:31 pm (UTC)
You have the banter down perfectly and like it or not, you write them really well. I have a soft, romantic spot in my heart wherein I hope they will last forever ... but and mark this on your calendar because you know I NEVER say this ... ;-)

You're right. This is probably how it would end for them.
SSA McGeek: Meet the McGarrysmcgarrygirl78 on June 14th, 2008 05:01 pm (UTC)
I just really think so. I just always see Donna with Cliff...he just seemed to embrace her quirky, cute intelligence while Josh stifled it. But I never back down from a challenge, so there you go.

Dammit, I've been to the dark side and they have cookies!
vegawriters: It's Canon!vegawriters on June 14th, 2008 05:05 pm (UTC)
yummy cookies even.
SSA McGeek: Playful Elliemcgarrygirl78 on June 14th, 2008 05:10 pm (UTC)
Yeah, well piss on their cookies ; )

I'm back on my side of the fence and I'm here to stay.
Lelileli_5 on June 14th, 2008 04:40 pm (UTC)
Well, ouch. I mean, I knew something was going to happen but still - it stings. You should have to go and read my not-happy Toby/Molly story now as retribution!
SSA McGeek: Oh yeah Allisonmcgarrygirl78 on June 14th, 2008 05:03 pm (UTC)
No!!!!!!!!!! Seriously, this story wrote itself and I always see Josh and Donna being best friends, just never lovers, or never lovers for long. I'm glad you even if you dont like the way it ends.

Edited at 2008-06-14 05:03 pm (UTC)
Lelileli_5 on June 14th, 2008 05:54 pm (UTC)
That story wrote itself! The Toby one, I mean. I didn't want it to go there.

I just completely disagree with you as far as character interpretation on this particular subject. How can you think Josh didn't change? But you know that and I know that and we're both okay with it. I don't wanna play BattleShip and I know you don't either. Different strokes and whatnot. (Side note... am I crazy or was Janet Jackson on Different Strokes?)

You should go and read the Toby thing. You'll probably hate it but you made me read this by dedicating it to me and you knew I wouldn't like where it went! I demand retribution! Mua ha ha ha!

In case this reads otherwise and because people on your flist haven't been privy to our other conversations, I want to point out that this is not wank, you know that I want you to write whatever you want to write and that there's no ill will. Don't anybody come at me with pitch-forks....
SSA McGeek: Squeaky sex machinemcgarrygirl78 on June 14th, 2008 06:05 pm (UTC)
I'm sending my minion army after you with torches and machetes....KIDDING ; )

Yes, Janet Jackson played Willis's girlfriend Charlene on Diffrent Strokes.

And you know that we are going to agree to disagree on Josh and Donna until the end of time, still, I honestly didnt think you would dislike where it went. I mean, I know you like them together but I thought I kept so true to their characters and their possible thoughts. I will read sad Toby/Molly as retribution, I promise.
Lelileli_5 on June 14th, 2008 06:24 pm (UTC)
I know... but you kept it true to your vision of the characters, which differs wildly from mine. It's hard for us to reconcile on this because we're starting from very different places.

I'm not saying that I think it's badly written or that the dialogue seemed off or something like that. I just see these guys differently and so it's hard for me to understand their actions in this fic considering what I think was going on throughout the series, especially towards the end.

You don't actually have to read the Toby/Molly thing - you know that, right? I was just being a pain in the ass.
SSA McGeek: Claudia Jean...captured by a momentmcgarrygirl78 on June 14th, 2008 06:18 pm (UTC)
Toby and Molly was wonderfully written. I didnt like where it went but you knew that I wouldnt. I cant call it a good story but it was one that needed to be told. The Toby inside my heart, his heart is breaking. I hope his relationship with his daughter is never that way.
Lelileli_5 on June 14th, 2008 06:28 pm (UTC)
God, me too. I didn't want it to go there! I started with this idea of him swimming with her and then it all went to hell. I could have not written it that way but then it would certainly have sucked just to spite the coward in me.

I hope that it didn't go that way, too. I just think it's one possibility.

I have so much love for you for being able to straight up say to me that you can't call it a good story. No punk-out 'it was interesting and I (choking on words) liked it' response. Wicked.
Claire: TWW - Josh/Donnajustdreaming88 on June 14th, 2008 09:31 pm (UTC)
I'm a pretty big Josh/Donna fan and it's wonderful to see one of my favourite authors *points at you* writing them. Heartbreaking in places, but still them and very good.
SSA McGeek: Joshua Lyman.....acrobatmcgarrygirl78 on June 14th, 2008 09:36 pm (UTC)
Thank you for reading....double thanks for saying I am one of your favorite writers. I am glad you liked it.
keep_warm: perfectkeep_warm on June 18th, 2008 07:54 pm (UTC)
...That was SO Donna. I think I love you.
SSA McGeek: Donnatella Mossmcgarrygirl78 on June 18th, 2008 08:01 pm (UTC)
I am so glad you liked it....since you are a shipper that means a lot to me, and since you put the evil little idea into my head. I look forward to seeing what you can do with Donna and my Clifford.